The Live Edit: What It Means To Be A Woman


For me life is simple, you work hard, party harder and always keep yourself in check. Surrounding myself with some of the most powerful women I know, I always had my support ready, and my crew to keep me in line, so I always felt like I could do anything I wanted, and not step on anyone's toes while doing it.

In a world full of Love Island's, The Bachelor's and The Kardashians, we are constantly subjected to female drama, maybe we crave drama that isn't in our actual lives, or maybe its fed to us via the media's drama pot stirring agenda, I'll never know. But after watching three girls tear into one another on Love Island, it's obvious that some people crave the drama.

I'm not bashing shows like this, I actually love them myself but after having drama in my own life I couldn't help but wonder why we subject ourselves to mindless arguments are purely orchestrated to make one person "mug someone off" and the other to "throw shade" back to them, in order to trend on twitter. To me it's baffling.

Take Love Island for example. Here we have a villa filled with six girls and six boys (usually) all battling it out to couple up, find "love" and win £50K in the process. Some girls have found genuine connections a few weeks in with their male counterparts, and are therefore not in any competition, so they are seen as friendly. Others have had their love ripped away from them with no warning or even so much as a "sorry" and they are seen as a threat because they are now single and deemed as desperate.

Is this what we have become? Single and "desperate" women are to be feared?

Back in the villa, we have seen girls and guys romp on national television, bitch fights, serial cheating, and a hell of a lot of grafting, but it only ever seems to be the women who are trending on Twitter over their late-night antics, never the guy is held accountable. Even self-branded love rat Adam, who has famously coupled up with more girls in the villa than he's had a change of boxers, has had the limelight fully pulled away from him in favour to watch a poor girl's mental meltdown after losing him to a new contestant, just days after they've "cracked on". But it wasn't her that cheated, oh no, it was him, and he's nowhere to be seen, leaving the ladies to battle it out for his heart and let the nation watch it unfold.

Even the girls who have had sex in the villa have been slated for doing just that, having sex. The one thing that we all enjoy doing. But she's done it on telly so that makes her a bad person. Wrong.

Imagine this, you meet a guy, things become a bit of a whirlwind and you find yourself falling for him. You think you might take it to the next level, you're naturally curious to know what he's like in bed after a few flirty texts back and forward. You think, "fuck it" and do it, you sleep with him and fall even more for him than you did before.

Would you think of yourself as easy? No, because you did what came naturally.

Now imagine you did that on national television, fell in love in front of a nation and naturally took your relationship to the next level. Did everything you would do outside of the prying eyes of the British public, and enjoyed it unapologetically.

Does that now instantly make you easy? No, because you did what came naturally.

So why do the stiff upper lip of Britain scoff and betray women who show some form of sexual pleasure. Jesus, we all do it. And if you enjoy it or not is your problem. But why should we slag off a young woman for having sex on tv, even though we all do it at home? We are no different.

I blame the standardised media for this. For pitting women against each other from day dot just to fill up column inches and grab headlines. Successful, beautiful women, are constantly made to be at war over men, when in reality we couldn't give a stuff because he was a bit of a loser anyway.

So why are we like this? Why do we thrive on women hating other women? Why do we constantly have to have what she's having? Can't we just be content with being in our own lane?

I respect women who stand up for us in this bullshit world. Who come out and say "yes, she may be seen as competition, but to me, she is my equal", who forego slagging off other women to advance their status or careers, who say no when probed to bitch and sneer at another woman's actions. I respect women who not only stay in their lane by not stealing what isn't theirs (be it men, jobs, promotions, anything) and help other women to advance in their own lane. Because for me, being a woman means we were instantly born into a sisterhood, an unbreakable bond between our sex that mutually acknowledges the struggle, pain and hardship of those that have come before us. Being a woman means I am strong, but not overpowering to intimidate. I'm knowledgeable, but open to know more. I'm ambitious, but I know not to steal someone else's dream.

But above all, I'm brave, because I know when to take a leap, but not to leap into someone else's hard work and achievements.

We aren't all out to get each other. This isn't a "dog eat dog" scenario. We are women, working hard in a world that already has its odds against us. We should be learning from each other. Building up each other. Working together to achieve equality and justice. Not tearing each other down for our own small personal gain. That little gain means nothing if you've torn away another woman's world just for you to get your hands on what is hers for your own selfish agenda.

Ignore the media. Stand up for yourself and for other women and help each other to climb higher. Ignore what they are trying to pit against us. Ignore who wore it better. Ignore the love triangles, the body shaming, the worst dressed lists. Ignore all that bullshit. Erase it from your memory. We are better than that as women. We don't need any of that to make ourselves feel better about our lives. We need to learn that tearing someone down doesn't make us stronger, building them up does.

Because the higher we build up each other, the closer we are to smashing the glass ceiling.

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